9 Months...

Well, here we are...month #9 of waiting to bring our little girl home (counting from the time we turned in our application). I thought for sure we would have her here by now. I have to admit, and I'll just be open and honest, it's getting soooooooo hard to continue to wait. And we haven't heard a word about how things are going. I'm finding it a struggle to keep believe we're going to actually get to bring her home. That we will actually board a plane for Taiwan and go get our baby girl. Oftentimes, mostly when I look at her picture, it seems as though we are simply sponsoring a child in a far-away land (not that it would be a bad thing at all!) and not that she is actually our daughter. I dream of holding her, of kissing her, of feeling her soft skin, of dressing her in all of her cute clothes and then it's like both "reality" and Satan set it and say, "it's never going to happen." Had we been pregnant, we would have been giving birth this month. We would have a baby to hold now, to love on, to have here w/us...maybe that's what is making it so hard. I don't know.

People have been so sweet to continue to ask how things are going or if we have heard anything, and don't get me wrong, I appreciate that! (Sometimes, since those who are adopting don't get the "pregnant belly," people just forget about them, forget they too, are "bringing a child into the world" and then they tend to feel even more alone in an already lonely journey.) So I never, ever want to seem ungrateful for people's heartfelt interest, but at the same time, it's a constant reminder to me that she's not here. I have to keep saying, "haven't heard anything" or "we don't know when we'll get her." I wish we could just know a date...even if it is 3 weeks away...then I would feel like there was light at the end of the tunnel...right now, all I see is a long, dark, lonely black hole.

Maybe it's just late. It's probably more so that I'm tired. I could probably even chalk it all up to the dreary weather we've been having around here. I'm sure it will pass. Just pray for us and bear w/me. :) This momma wants her little girl here yesterday!

Have a wonderful weekend!